5. Rehabilitation

The last recorded dream where I felt I had “shared a dream” led me to believe I had made a break-through in my subconscious.  The following weeks after were filled with insignificant or near non-existent dreams, where I experienced nothing profound and had no recollection of even flying.  I decided to keep a detailed log in order to exercise my memory, expand my abilities and hopefully rid myself of whatever had its hold on my mind.

Date:1/31/11

Time asleep: 1:30am

Time awoke: 8:15am (by alarm)

Estimated Hours Asleep: 6.5

Sleep Interrupted: Around 7am

Cause of Interruption: Other body movement or animal disturbance

Estimated time awake: 15 minutes

Location: Jane’s House – bed

Influences: Smoked within half hour of rest time

Last Activity: Played Fallout 3

Consciousness:

On the edge of sleep and awake.  Typical “real life” thought process with shallow conversation/communication and concerns.

Dream:

Waterpark, no obvious structures, just a feeling

Only recall being in the Interior

Looking for or discussing a password

Slightly uncomfortable but mostly involved in present situation

 

Date: 2/1/11

Time asleep: 12:50am

Time awoke: 7:30am (by alarm)

Estimated Hours Asleep: 7.2 hours

Location: Jane’s House (bed)

Influences: Smoked within 45 minutes of bed time.  Drank a high alcohol content beer and ate bread and pasta before bed.

Last Activity: Played Fallout 3 pretty much all day yesterday.  Jane talked a lot.

Falling Asleep Technique: Used regular relaxation method.  Jane’s dog was in her carrier and soft chakra music was on.

Consciousness:  Fuzzy and hard to recollect images – only grabbed the last words

Dream:

Only got the last seconds of a conversation.  The term Earth, Wind Water and Fire was used.  Vague memory of a desert scene.

Notes:  Tried to experiment with going back to the light dreaming but indigestion and the dog’s whining did not allow me to go back in.

Variable: Two nights in a row included the dog in the disruptions.  Do not attempt experiment until more controlled variables are obtained. Also, eat less upsetting foods before bed.

*Data lost from 2/2/11 – Dreamed nothing of significance, but should note to not have any songs stuck in your head before bed as it is quite intrusive to memory in the wake.

 

Date: 2/3/11

Time asleep: 11:30-ish PM (naturally)

Time awoke: 7:00AM

Estimated Hours Asleep: 6.5

Sleep Interrupted: 3:15, 5:50 AM

Cause of Interruption: No apparent cause except the sinking of the air-mattress I slept on which needed to be pumped (by button) 3 times because I had my cat as my bedmate.

Estimated time awake: I woke up quite often so it could have been a half hour to 2 hours

Location: My Apartment (air-mattress)

Influences: Smoked about 45 minutes before bed.

Last Activity: Hung out with Sahar and another friend, had some Chinese food and a little sake.

Falling Asleep Method: Fell asleep while reading “Choke” by Chuck Palahniuk.

Consciousness: Conscious but couldn’t hold on to memories.

Dream:

Only got bits and pieces of what I remember)

-I sang in front of Jane and I was actually comfortable doing so.

-A structure from the view of a mountain top.  It was nestled in between the dry, tan rock hills of the desert.  The building was long and rectangular with a rounded rooftop.  All the walls and the roof were an orange glass, all held together with a black metal frame.  It resembled a massive, orange greenhouse.

Notes: Most memories slipped away before I could grasp them.

 

*Dream documentation will be put on hold until further notice.  I’m getting too annoyed at the un-inventive nature of my subconscious.  Try back later when I’m inspired.

 

Date: 2/8/11

Time asleep: 12:15-ish

Time awoke: 8:05am (natural)

Estimated Hours Asleep: 7

Sleep Interrupted: 3:00am-ish

Cause of Interruption: Noise from electric waterfall cat bowl

Estimated time awake: About 45 minutes on and off

Location: Damon’s House (make-shift bed on floor with lots of padding)

Influences: Smoked about 45 minutes to an hour before bed and had a few beers throughout the evening.

Last Activity: Read “Choke”

Falling Asleep Technique: Tired from reading.

Consciousness: Lucid with control

Dream:

It was night at an abandoned mansion that was straight out of some generic horror movie.  Once inside the environment seemed much vaster than is realistically possible for the size of the house.  It turned into a regular dungeon, complete with corridors, rooms and don’t forget battles.  Out of the corner a zombie moaned and lunged towards me.  It was dressed in tattered and ripped old colonial style clothing. I activated my V.A.T.S. mode (Just like in Fallout) only a little different.  My vision was tinted yellow and only my target was in sight, frozen mid-running.  I blasted him to bits, either mentally or with some hidden gun, I wasn’t sure.  That was fun, I thought.  Another one ran from the other side, followed by two more.  I froze all of them and started to kill them off.  The remaining third one had started to slowly break through from the hold I had on him but I finished him off just as he began to advance towards me.  Now I wanted do some exploring but yet another zombie staggered out.  There was obviously an infestation.  I froze combat once more but not to fight.  I was a little annoyed and didn’t quite feel like a massacre.  Right then a man, wearing some kind of wastelander outfit, came forward from behind a tall rock.  He was not very tall, a little tubby and had brown hair with a bit of a receding hairline.

“I’m the one who called for you,” he said and extended his hand.  And then I woke up.

Notes: I could have jumped back in to the dream but I focused on eliminating noise and not forgetting the details of the dream.  I must start to make sure to sleep next to an easily accessible notebook and pen.

 

Date: 2/12/2011

Estimated Hours Asleep: 8

Sleep Interrupted: 3-ish, 7-ish, 8-ish

Cause of Interruption: Natural causes, cat walking on me, violent winds.

Location: Damon’s House (Make-shift bed on floor)

Influences: Smoked about 1 hour before

Last Activity: Played Little Big Planet and did graphic design work.

Falling Asleep Technique: Naturally from being tired.

Consciousness: Extremely Lucid

Dream: 

Jane and I were arguing, about what I don’t remember exactly but it was something about another girl that had feelings for me.  I remember hearing another comment that left me angry and low so I walked off.  I touched the zipper of my pants and blood rushed down.  Now I was frustrated and wanted to get off.  I looked around the room I was in, which was some huge stock basement with towering shelves housing massive packages and a couple big cranes that were stacking the wares.  The room had artificial lighting and all the stock items were in pastel colored boxes.

I left the populated circle I was standing in and went behind a crate on the floor.  I started to rub the front of my pants when I heard people’s voices coming by.  I hurried around another crate only to see someone, a worker, coming towards me.  It was some manager to this stockroom.  At this point I was fully aware that I was dreaming.  I thought perhaps I would try something new and bold.  I would let someone catch me masturbating and see what they would do. Maybe she would be into and join me or maybe she would scream and this dream would turn into another classic chase.  Either way, the result would be interesting. (I was also aware, even in my dream state, that I have had somewhat boring dreams lately so I was consciously trying to make this dream exciting while I was so lucid.)

I sat next to another crate but this time almost in the walkway.  I saw the brunette in her sea-green work uniform coming towards me.  As always, for one quick second I thought, wait, what if this one time I’m not really dreaming.  I quickly thought of the REAL repercussions of an action like this and quickly dismissed it.  That’s all part of the fun. I leaned back and tried to please myself for her but she simply strolled right past me, gave me a slight glance but kept on moving.  She didn’t even care!  Fuck this, I thought.  That wasn’t exciting at all. Now I just needed to find a private place where I could concentrate and just get off.  I exited through a door and into a somewhat familiar multi-storied house.   It was a display house, so people were walking throughout it but no one actually lived there.  (I was in this house earlier on in my dreams.  I only remember staying in one of the rooms with my niece.  She tried to wake me up but I played that I was asleep and she had left the room.)

I was on a mission now so I moved throughout the rooms at a quick pace, dodging people and inspecting beds.  I was so extremely lucid at this point that I must have been minutes or seconds away from waking up for good.  Everything was crystal clear, the patterns on the quilts in each room, the slight little sounds of the daytime leaking in through the windows.  I was getting really frustrated now.  The feeling of my blood pumping down my body was also way too realistic.  I had already unzipped my pants so I could be ready once the opportunity arose.

I had a new idea.  I would attempt to manifest, no, conjure up a beautiful woman to aid me.  I didn’t have much time so I thought I might as well try it or just wake up.  I ran into a new room and the bed was empty.  I closed my eyes and attempted to think of an easy attractive girl.  I imagined an actress’s face and body. ‘That will do.’ I opened my eyes.  No actress, just that empty bed.  Damnit!  I was obviously not fully prepared to try that trick.  Too much thought process never works and I knew that.  I left the room to continue onward but of course, the celebrity summoning attempt took up all my thought power and I woke up.

Then I fell back in! And I remained extremely lucid. I was still in the house but my sexual urges had suppressed and I was about to explore when a small group of people entered the room.  Someone was looking for something.  They all argued and then left one girl in the room to find whatever it was that they wanted.  I didn’t know this girl but she was blonde, cute and a little upset so I asked if she needed help.  She started to rummage through the contents of an old fireplace.  I looked over and recognized all the stuff as the contents that were under my sink.  She was tossing aside shampoo bottles and plastic bags.  I knew what she was looking for.  She must be looking for my secret bag of condoms and plan B (A bag I NEVER needed to open but thought it smart to keep).

“Oooohh..” I said, “Let me help you.”  Right as I reached towards the dirty fireplace, she pulled out a small box that was wrapped in a white paper bag and with so much force that she fell back on her butt.

“I got it”, she told me as she stood up and wiped herself off.  I stood up and grabbed her arm as she was about to leave the room.  I realized it was Jane holding the box and was about to return it to the others.  I told her to be careful because there was a bat that lived in the house now and I didn’t think that the others knew about it.  She got a little nervous and excited.

“Wait, what do I do?” She asked me, firmly grasping the little box.

“Just go give them the box real quick,” I told her, “and then run back in here to my room.  I’ll lock the door behind you and we’ll be safe in here.”  She laughed at the idea of frightening the other people and started to walk out to do the deed.  Then I woke up.

Notes: It was very exciting to finally have a lucid dream again, the first one in months.

Date: 2/13/2011

Influences: Smoked 1 hour before bed.

Last Activity:  Watched “We Can be Heroes” and bought Jane flowers online.

Falling Asleep Technique: Fell asleep to TV.

Consciousness: Very lucid

Dream: *Edited for length

This was a very long and descriptive dream starting off with a fight with my recent x-girlfriend then I entered a familiar hotel, went on a chase to find a bathroom, took flight and finally, accidentally got the attention of dog who latched on to my pant leg.  When I shook him off he splattered like a watermelon on concrete. The owner threatened to kill me and I took off towards the sun setting and found myself in some beach town with florescent lights welcoming me in. When I woke up I still had to piss really badly.

Notes:

Clearly, not adhering to an alarm is proving beneficial in dream recall.  Sleeping when I am tired, waking up at least once in the middle of the night and sleeping till I rise naturally seems to allow me to remember the most.  Also, despite my disagreeing at first, jotting down the bits I remember immediately ON PAPER, not digitally, is crucial to accurate details.  (Unless I can recite all details immediately when I wake, like my younger accounts.)

 

* Several weeks have provided lucid dreams yet the themes are so close to reality and my present situations that I have been voluntarily forgetting the details once I wake up.  It is a luxury in itself that I’m not so lucky to have in this reality.  The ability to forget.

Date: 3/1/2011

Estimated Hours Asleep: 7.5

Sleep Interrupted: 3am, 7am, 8am

Cause of Interruption: 3am- A light was on in the living room. 7&8am -natural

Location: My bed (twin)

Influences: No alcohol all day. Smoked about 3 hours before bed.

Last Activity:  Typed all day.

Consciousness: Lucid but involved in real life situations.

Dream:  *Edited for length

I was occupying a hotel, perhaps the same one I’m always in with it’s red velvet décor and high ceilings.  This time, I was staying in the VIP section.  I’ve obviously paid my dues to this place as I frequent it so often.

The corner of the room was all windows that stretched from ceiling to floor and through it I could see the levels just below mine and on it some people chatting away.  Fully aware of my dream state I decided it would be fun to flash them.  I pulled up my shirt a little and one of the figures slowly started to turn around.  It was a woman, pretty, brunette.  She glanced over at me and then turned back.  Then I saw her casually reach for her own chest.  She continued her conversation with a man, while lightly caressing herself.  Was she teasing me?  This woman could either be really in to it or have me kicked out, and I really didn’t feel like triggering a chase scene.  Hesitantly, I started to lift my shirt a little higher.  She glared at me and walked away.  Ok! I thought.

I went to the other corner of the room and to a balcony that began to move down, like an elevator.  I finished my decent, very pleased with this technology, and walked over to a small gate leading to the courtyard and then into the main lobby of the hotel.  I still had remnants of the desire to express sexuality but that quickly dissipated when I realized Jane was here and only wanted to talk.  Out of nowhere she was at my side.  She seemed slightly antsy and a little uncomfortable.

“So should I even go to your party?” she asked me.  I didn’t look at her but kept walking.

“That’s up to you.” I had already invited her and didn’t see the need to invite her again.  Plus, this was her call.  We had just broken up and it was her choice to restrain contact.

“I know” she responded and sat down, looking away in silence.  Make up your goddamn mind, I thought.

There was some kind of party taking place in the lobby.  I located a male friend of mine and started to chat.  After a few minutes Jane arrived and with two girls I had never seen before.  One of them was a new interest of hers.  She was brunette, cute, pretty fashionable, but giggled at everything, which to me indicated her lack of intelligence.  I knew what Jane was doing bringing these girls around.  She intended to strike jealousy in me and I was not about to give her that satisfaction.  The girl she was into nervously took the seat next to me as Jane introduced them with a slight cockiness to her voice.  I gave her a closed smile back and with a look that told her, I know what you’re doing.   Jane made a cynical joke about the situation and the girl giggled again, clearly not catching the sarcasm. I pulled Jane a little closer.

“Prize piece you got there,” I told her.  She stepped back and smiled.

“Oh? Jealous?”

“Ha! No.”

We exchanged a few mean and sarcastic jokes, but not in a malicious way, just the way she felt comfortable conversing.  Of course I was jealous.  The girl was really cute and probably was the perfect amount of stupid to not cause her much heart break.  Thoughts of their future conversations raced through my head like some kind of sickness. I imagined Jane complaining to the girl on how awful it was to date me. I dismissed the thoughts as well as I could and walked away from the situation.

I woke up and fell right back in.

This time I was outside the hotel on the street corner, organizing an event for bartering.  I had my table set up on the sidewalk and was calling in people from all around to look at my wares.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I spotted an old manager of mine.  I let out an excited squeal and ran to hug her.  In her usual awkward manner, she said hello, arms behind her back and asked how I was doing.

“I’m doing great!”  I was excited and started to bring her around to the yard where we had a majority of items out for display.  I began to tell her the updates of my art career and woke up.

 

Date: 3/8/11

Estimated Hours Asleep: 7.5

Sleep Interrupted: 4:30 am

Location: My bed (twin)

Last Activity:  Crafted all day

Falling Asleep Technique: Natural

Consciousness: Between Consciousnesses

Dream:

(I woke up in the middle of the night and went back to bed. Consciousness transferred seamlessly from one reality to the next.)

I was extremely exhausted, lying in bed.  Thoughts of my previous dream danced around in my head, details trickling off every second.  I was almost too tired to record but being “too tired” was an idea I was trying to eliminate so I reached to the side of my bed and pulled out my notebook.  I started to write; only I could not contain my writing as normal.  Every curve attempted was expanded to childish proportions.  It was similar to writing with your inactive hand, frustrating yet liberating.  I assumed this was how my body wrote in an extremely fatigued state.  I was first annoyed, then very amused to wake up and see my notebook blank.  Though my previous dream was lucid, it was only subconsciously recorded, so I obviously did not remember the details again in this reality and was forced to record this dream of recording a dream.

Date: 3/10/11

Estimated Hours Asleep: 5.5

Sleep Interrupted: 5 & 7 am

Cause of Interruption: Heat, dehydration, abdominal pain

Location: My bed (twin)

Influences: Smoked right before bed and was highly intoxicated.

Last Activity:  Went to Silent Comedy show and Jane dropped me off at my place.

Falling Asleep Technique: Passed out.

Consciousness: Lucid

Dream:

I stepped out of the place I was in to find the sky invaded by a soft, white billowing substance that omitted a warm luminescence.  I exclaimed and yelled to my comrades.  When did this get here? What is going on? What IS this?

Peeking out in the corners, I could see bits and pieces of the starry night sky.  I walked towards the glowing, off-white mass, placed my hand on its delicate surface and felt a low but bass-like pulse.  My eyes traveled up to see an opening in the mass.  Out of it dangled several phosphorescent jellyfish tentacles.  The tips gave off a blue-green-ish light and swayed just slightly as if they could be in water or space.  I called for everyone to look at what I had discovered.  I began to speculate about what this was (some kind of space jellyfish?) but the others in my group just stood back in frightened silence.

I walked a little closer and up a small mound.  Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of something spinning.  I went closer.  It was some kind of worm hole.  Shades of blue and colors unknown swirled, gathered together at the center, focused energy and dispensed it somewhere into the uncharted, the undiscovered, the unperceived.  I crouched down to get a better look at this focus point.  I opened my mouth to say how amazing this was but my voice cut out and my gaze locked on the eye of the hole, small but violent.  Suddenly my body lost all function and dropped to the ground, but I still stared with wide eyes.  I could hear the alarm in the rest of my group but they were too scared to come close.  The intensity of this phenomena had me paralyzed and in it’s control.  I could see my arm twitching but I could feel nothing.  And I cared for nothing the more I stared and let this enigma hypnotize me.  And I woke up.

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